Very Funny Essay Answers

The following statements were extracted from essays written by high school seniors and College freshmen.

READ CAREFULLY and learn. Not one letter or word has been changed.

These are exactly as originally written and there are NO typos.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere and certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.

The pyramids area mountain range between France and Spain. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.

The bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the bible, Guinness’s, Adam and Eve are created from an apple. One of their kids named Cain once asked god “hey am I my brothers' son?"

God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on mount Montezuma. Jacob stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch and brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs too. One of Jacob's sons named Joseph gave refuse to the Israelites.

According to the bible Pharaoh forced the Hebrews to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread. Unleavened bread is bread made without any ingredients. Moses then went up to mount Cyanide to get some orders from god called the 10 commandments

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the Liar. He fought with the Philistines a race of people who lived in biblical times.

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks had three types of cowlums, Dorian Corinthian and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

One myth says that mother of Achilles dunked him in the river stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles is in the "Iliad” by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Odity" in which Penelope was the last great hardship faced by Ulysses. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man named Homer.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates was killed by an overdose of wedlock.

Life in ancient Greece reeked with joy. In the Olympic games they ran around and tossed the java. The victors won a coral wreath.

The government of angient Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece because the mountains kept people from seeing what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Persians the geeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually the Ramons beat up all the geeks. History calls them Romans because they never stayed in one place. At Roman bankqwets people got drunk and wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was the king.

Nero was a cruel tyranny who tortured his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the middle ages. King Alfred conquered all the Dames in England. King Arthur lived in the age of shivery. King Harold mustard his troops at Hastings. Then lost. Joan of arch was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Victums of the black death died when large boobs grew under their arm pits. Finally the Magna Carta said that no man could be hanged mice for the same crime.

In the midevil times most of the people were aliterate. The best poet of the times was Chaucer who wrote poems and verses. He also wrote literature. Another story is about William who shoot apple while standing on his sons head.

The renaissance was a time when people felt more worth in their beings. Martin Luther was nailed to a church door in Germany for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death by being excomunicated with a papal bull. Donatello was called the father of the renaisance because of his love of the female nude.

It was an age of great discovery and Guttenberg invented the bible. Sir Walter Ralieh invented cigarettes and Francis Drake circumcised the globe with a 100 foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry the VIII didn't like woman’s heads very much. Queen Elizabeth was a virgin queen and her troops shouted hoorah when she revealed herself in front of them. She beat up the Spanish armadillo.

The greatest writer of the renaissance was William Shakspear. Shakespear never made much money and is only famous because of all the stuff he wrote. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of his plays Hamlet relieves himself on a great soliloquy. In another Lady mackbeth gets her son to kill the king by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of an heroic couplet.

Writing at the same time was Cervantes. He wrote Don Keyhoty". The next great auther was )Milton who wrote Paridise Lost". Then his wife died and he wrote “Paridise Regained”..

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