What saith the Word of God?
Questions Most Frequently Asked About Divorce And Remarriage:
(1) What are the grounds for a scriptural divorce?
(2) On what scriptural grounds can a divorced person remarry?
(3) Is dating wrong for a separated but not divorced person?
(4) Can a divorced person take an active role in the local church?
(5) What positions in the church may not be filled by a divorced person?
(6) Is divorce and remarriage before Christian conversion cleansed by the blood of Christ?
(7) Are unscripturally divorced and remarried persons living in perpetual adultery?
(8) Should newly-converted divorced and remarried persons consider dissolving their marriages and, if possible, seek reunion with former spouses?
(9) Is it possible for two former spouses who are divorced and remarried to someone else to remain in and serve Christ in the same local church?
(10) Should divorced but single believers seek to remarry?
(11) How should divorced and remarried Christian parents relate to each other and to their children of former unions?
Please open your Bible to Matthew's Gospel, chapter 19. What saith the Lord regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage? From Matthew's Gospel, chapter 19 and I Timothy 3, we will talk about that very topic... marriage, divorce and remarriage.
TEXT: Matthew 19:1-12 "And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it."
TEXT: I Timothy 3:2 "A bishop (a pastor) then must be blameless (not sinless), the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;".
Here we have the biblical requirements regarding pastoral leadership. I also urge you to read I Corinthians 7, verses 1-28, which contains Paul's further admonition regarding marriage, divorce and remarriage.
INTRODUCTION: This message is a summary of pastoral conclusions which I have learned in more than 40 years of Bible study, pastoring and counseling... conclusions which I believe to be Biblically-based.
As a simplistic approach to a very complex subject, I will give you some facts which I hope may be generally accepted by all:
Divorce Rate Must Be Reversed
Nearly 40 million little unborn babies have been legally aborted in America over the past 24 years. About 70% of all black children born in America this year will be born out of wedlock... into single parent homes or no homes at all. About 30% of all white children born this year will be born out of wedlock. There have been more than one million divorces per year in the US during the past 15 years. The divorce rate in 1900 in this country was 12%. It is 50% today.
There were 56,000 divorces in all of America in 1900. There were 1.1 million divorces last year in this country and probably a few more this year.
Facts To Consider
Fact #1: Millions of Americans are either divorced or will be before this century is history.
Since that is the case, then the church of the Lord Jesus Christ must become seriously focused on this subject. We cannot write off a major percentage of the population because we have traditions and non-biblical prejudices as to how we're to deal with divorced people. God is no respecter of persons. God loves everyone alike. God is not willing that any should perish, or go to hell. God wants to shed His love abroad in every human heart. God has encompassed all men in His plan of redemption... including persons who are divorced and remarried.
Fact # 2: God hates divorce but God loves divorced people... as much as he loves anyone else.
Now the reason God hates divorce is because divorce hurts people and children are part of those people who are hurt. And when we talk about children at risk and children in crisis in America today, we know that divorce is a major cause of the crises the children are facing. So God hates divorce because divorce hurts people. And divorce is always caused by sin - somebody's sin.
Two Grounds For Divorce
The fact is that scripture permits divorce and remarriage on certain conditions. I read to you a text a moment ago which makes this very clear. Our Lord said "except it be for fornication". The Lord does permit divorce on certain conditions, and one of those conditions is immorality. In I Corinthians, chapter 7, Paul adds another acceptable condition for divorce, namely, desertion. If you read these texts carefully, although some Bible students take very hard-line positions, I believe God does allow for divorce and remarriage under certain conditions.
Grounds For Remarriage
Obviously, the purpose for biblical grounds for divorce is to create bible grounds for remarriage.
We Must Be Forgiving
In a society with a 50% divorce rate, it is my conviction that the church must re-study the Word on this subject. Where we have been too unforgiving, we must reevaluate our position on divorce.
Later in this message, I will make it very clear that we can never change our position on God's ideal, which is one man for one woman for one lifetime. But, as Christian workers, we are dealing with people where they are, not where they ought to be. We are also dealing with a huge percentage of the population. And since God loves everyone alike, divorced persons included, and since God wants to bring everyone into His family and doesn't want anyone to go to hell, it is imperative that the church learn the biblical approach to reaching 100% of the population with the gospel.
Fact # 3 - The church must encourage forgiveness and reconciliation as God's ultimate will for everyone.
Our first priority is to work very hard to get estranged marriage partners to forgive one another and to accept counseling and effect reconciliation. That is the kind of thing we must be involved in.
Over half of our thousands of church members here at Thomas Road are under 30 years of age. It is an exciting thing to pastor a young church. Our church is only 41 years old. We've always been a strong youth-oriented church. We work with young people at Lynchburg Christian Academy, pre-school, elementary, high-school. We have thousands in our Sunday School every Sunday morning. We have a University of college-age kids, in resident and external programs, and capacity enrollment is expected for the upcoming semester. Here at Thomas Road Baptist Church, I look around this crowd and see a lot of young faces and my heart is encouraged.
And my job as pastor, and the responsibility of our deacon's, teachers and workers is to teach you boy's and girl's and young people that God's ideal is one man for one woman for one lifetime.
Our calling is to teach you to marry in the will of God and to avoid divorce by all means.
It Is Human To Err
But, the church must also reach out lovingly to all divorced persons. Our ministry is to mortals. And mortals make mistakes. All mortals.
God has a place of service for divorced persons in His kingdom. God has a place of service for you. Maybe you were divorced before you were born again. I John 1:7 makes it very clear that "... the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin".
You may have gone through a divorce after you became a Christian. I John 1:9 tells us "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
There are no second class citizens in the family of God. In a few moments we will come to two particular biblical restrictions that divorce does, in fact, cause whether it occurred before or after salvation. But before we get there I want to say that God has a place of service, honorable service, for all who are repentant, washed in the blood of Jesus and are today walking with God.
Fact # 4: There is no such thing as unpardonable sin in divorce and remarriage nor is there any continual adultery.
If we believe that divorce and remarriage are unpardonable sins, then, we are taking I John 5:16 out of context. I John 5:16 "If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it."
Further, we are saying that the blood of Christ can cleanse from all sin except for divorce and remarriage. We can not make that application. It is not in the text. A person can sin, genuinely repent and get God's forgiveness. A truly repentant person can have restoration of fellowship and an open door for service.
Pastors And Deacons Must Be Unique
The only two areas of service that are not available to divorced persons are pastor and deacon. A pastor and deacon must "husband of one wife". Every other area of ministry is open to all truly saved and obedient Christians, regardless their past sins or lifestyles.
Many persons take a strong and legalistic perspective on this matter and refuse to allow a second chance to a divorced and remarried person. The gospel of Christ is effective on death row. The gospel works in every land and culture. The blood of Christ cleanses from all sin. While a person's testimony is damaged when sin occurs, God's grace is always greater than all our sin. When a Christian leader fails morally, he or she is damaged permanently in certain ways. Leadership and public respect are always diminished when we disobey God.
But, God's forgiveness and the restoration of fellowship are always available to repentant saints who come back to the cross. Further, restored saints ought to find open arms and hearts in the church, and also find some level of ministry open to them.
But, we must remember, godly sorrow and true repentance must precede forgiveness and service for Christ. And, your repentance should be as public as your sin. It should, however, be no more public than your sin. If you have hurt or sinned against others, you must correct that problem before the Lord will place His blessing on your life again.
What About Perpetual Adultery?
Now what is this continual adultery? There is not a verse of scripture that talks about perpetual adultery. Adultery is an act and a lifestyle. When a person is forgiven by the Lord, and is under the blood, he or she is no longer an adulterer.
Although it is not God's ideal that second and third marriages occur, God's grace is always greater than all our sin. Once there is God's forgiveness, it is done. You don't live forever in that guilt.
Divorce Before Conversion
Divorce and remarriage, prior to salvation, are also under the blood. I led a couple to Christ recently. Both of them had been married twice before. You know what there first question to me was, after they got saved? Are we welcome at the church? I said "why do you ask that?". Well, we've both been married twice before. This is our third marriage. I showed them all the forgiveness verses, and all the promises and all the cleansing verses. I said, "you are a new creature in Christ".
II Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if any man (any woman) be in Christ, he (she) is a new creation; Old things are passed away and all things become new". This is not conditional. There are no loopholes. No exclusions. God deals with us where we are, not where we ought to be.
Fact # 5: A second marriage (or third, etc.) should not be terminated in order to correct an earlier sin.
Some poorly trained counselors have actually advised divorced and remarried persons to leave their present spouses and return to their original spouses, even though those persons may be married to other persons now, and perhaps young children are now also involved.
This is the most ill-advised kind of counseling imaginable. We compound the problem because some counselor who doesn't know the Bible tells you that you've got to go back and do the impossible and unthinkable. But, even worse, that person is put on a guilt trip from which they will possibly never find escape.
Fact # 6: While God forgives all sin, divorce exludes you from being a pastor or deacon.
There are countless other things to do besides being a pastor or a deacon. You can be a soul-winner, a Sunday-school teacher, an evangelist, an intercessor, a prayer warrior, choir singer, usher, youth worker and hundreds more areas of service.
Fact # 7: While there are biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage, divorce is not a right.
Jesus always encouraged the Father's ideal for marriage... one man for one woman for one lifetime. I must always preach that and the church must preach that. While there are biblical grounds for divorce, divorce is not a right. Your husband may have violated your trust, and you may have biblical grounds to divorce him. But, you should work at reconciliation. You should make every effort to forgive him. You should make every effort to change him.
We have every reason to reconcile our differences, come together and stay together. The focus for a family in trouble is to work your way out of it and to stay together. God's ultimate plan is for people to stay together. But Jesus recognized that we live in a sinful world. The ideal that we see in the Garden of Eden was ruined when sin entered the world. And God, because of the hardness of the hearts of his people, allowed Moses to instruct the Israelites on how to write a bill or writ of divorcement.
Jesus Always Provides A Safety Net
Jesus was not condoning divorce. But, He recognized that this world is sinful and that people do need a safety net to catch them when they fall. When they fall through the cracks there must be a safety net and that safety net is God's forgiveness, the blood of Christ, divine restoration. Jesus therefore permitted divorce on the basis of sexual sin and allowed the privilege of remarriage to the innocent party. This does not open up the door of divorce in the church. We ought to preach against divorce, we ought to teach against divorce, we are to urge reconciliation, we are to encourage people to work out their problems and stay together. Children are the innocent victims. We ought to make it work, if at all possible.
This begs two questions:
(1) How should the church accept divorced persons?
(2) How must the church respond to a Christian who is seeking a divorce on illegitimate grounds?
Now, let's talk about that person who wants to divorce his wife or her husband on illegitimate grounds. This happens all too often.
Sometimes it is a church leader who is doing that. What should the church do? Well, we have to exercise biblical church discipline. We must go to that person privately. That's been my procedure through the years. We sit down with the offender and attempt to lead that person to repentance and restoration. If that person will not listen, we return with some of the brethren and try gain.
Tough Love Sometimes Needed
Finally, if there is no repentance, fellowship must be withdrawn. Withdraw fellowship from that person. Let me give you the verses, Matthew 18:15-17, "Moreover if thy brother trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."
Now, that sounds brutal, doesn't it? But, sometimes, that's the only way a person will repent. And if such a person is in leadership, as a pastor or otherwise, that person must be removed immediately from leadership.
Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted." If he then repents, we should reconcile him into the fellowship of the church even if he has done a terrible, terrible thing.
Unlimited Service Open To The Divorced
What then can divorced people do in the church? They can teach Sunday School, they can sing in the choir, they can win souls, they can witness, they can pray. There are so many things they can do. Have you ever used a Scofield Study Bible? It is probably the most used study Bible in our century. C.I. Scofield was divorced and remarried, but God used him in a wonderful way to influence the lives of thousands of people. Don't burn the Bible now that you know that. Thank God that He is the God of a second chance.
Dating While Separated Is A Mistake
Should a separated person date? I think no. I think that dating cultivates relationships that may detract from the possibility of reconciliation. A separated person may think there is no hope for the marriage coming back together but as long as there is breath, pray and believe God. The worst thing a separated person can do is to begin dating.
Too often, a person dates during a separation. Some marry quickly, on the rebound, just after the divorce decree. Then, months later, the husband gets saved or the wife decides to serve God. They could have been reconciled, but now its impossible. Through prayer, counseling, forgiveness, everything possible should be done during that period of separation to seek reconciliation.
Marriage Is Intended To Be Forever
Now, let me give you the bottom line. The church must never, never, never drop the banner of marital permanence. We should always preach that God's intention is one man for one woman for one lifetime.
But, we must also resist judging and discarding those who have gone through marital problems like divorce and remarriage. We must love them, we must accept them the same way God does.
We Must Be Quick To Forgive
We must be quick to forgive, we must be slow to judge, our church should be filled to capacity with sinners saved by grace like you and me who are reaching out to meet others at their point of need, no matter how serious that need is. We don't condone sin, we condemn it. But we love the sinner.
Before we bow our heads in prayer.... let us ask and answer the questions with which we began this message....
(1) What are the grounds for a scriptural divorce? Immorality and desertion.
(2) On what scriptural grounds can a divorced person remarry? Immorality.
(3) Is dating wrong for a separated but not divorced person? Yes.
(4) Can a divorced person take an active role in the local church? Yes.
(5) What positions in the church may not be filled by a divorced person? Pastor and deacon.
(6) Is divorce and remarriage before Christian conversion cleansed by the blood of Christ? Yes.
(7) Are unscripturally divorced and remarried persons living in perpetual adultery? No, if they are under the blood of Christ.
(8) Should newly-converted divorced and remarried persons consider dissolving their marriages and, if possible, seek reunion with former spouses? No.
(9) Is it possible for two former spouses who are divorced and remarried to someone else to remain in and serve Christ in the same local church? Yes, in most cases.
(10) Should divorced but single believers seek to remarry? Each case is different.
(11) How should divorced and remarried Christian parents relate to each other and to their children of former unions? Discreetly, cautiously and always in the love of Christ.
- These writings were used from Jerry Falwell's web site.
