It's our privilege tonight to turn in the Word of God to a great portion of Scripture as starting point for our message to you tonight on God's pattern for a wife...Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 24. And there the Word of God says, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."
God designed marriage to be the very best that life has to offer, the very best. In fact, Peter rightly called it "the grace of life." But since the fall of man, it is anything but the rest for most people. In fact, for most marriage starts in a euphoria of emotion and love, bliss and gradually descends at varying rates into war...characterized by bickering, bitterness, discontent, unforgiveness, separation and divorce, punctuated all along by moments of truce. A losing struggle and most today bail out.
God's original design was very clear...one man, one woman together for life, the best, the very best. But since the Fall it has not been an easy road for marriage. We are reminded of Genesis 3:16 where God cursed man and woman for the sin that they committed and sin caused the curse and the curse hit marriage right at the heart. The woman, as a result of the curse, seeks to rule and not submit. She wants control. That is the fallen woman's tendency. And God commands again in the New Testament, "I permit not a woman to usurp authority over the man," 1 Timothy 2. And the man, also cursed, is given to overpowering the woman, crushing her, subduing her, and thus the conflict. And sin therefore left its mark and part of that mark is marital conflict on the very inside of the marriage.
You can add to that the terrible assault that Satan makes on the outside. And we are reminded that before we ever get out of the book of Genesis, marriage has been assaulted formidably from the outside. In chapter 4 of Genesis is polygamy. In chapter 9, pornography is born. In chapter 16, adultery. In chapter 19, homosexuality. In chapter 34, fornication and unequal marriages. In chapter 38, incest. In chapter 38 also the first prostitute is mentioned. And in chapter 39 the first specific case of seduction.
Conflict entered into the relationship between a man and a woman on the inside and on the outside. And you can add to those things the fact that you have two sinners, two sinners in the flesh with strong desires for their own will and their own way, colliding. The only hope to reverse the inevitable disaster that accrues to this kind of relationship is to follow the pattern that God has revealed in Scripture. The only hope for marriage is to be obedient to God's Word and to be empowered by God's Spirit. Therefore we can conclude that the hope of a good marriage, the hope of a great marriage, the hope of a blessed marriage, the hope of a happy and fulfilled marriage is salvation which brings one in to right relationship to God, which minimizes the curse, which implants the Holy Spirit and brings the believer under the authority and the willing obedience to Scripture and then there is hope.
In the passage that I just read to you, there are several obvious points that are made here. But the overarching point is one about submission and we draw that from verse 21 where the general responsibility of all believers to one another is to submit. We submit mutually to each other, being more concerned about the other than we are ourselves, more concerned about the things of others than our own things, looking not on the things which concern us but the things which concern others. All of that we learned from the book of Philippians chapter 2. We are to approach all of our relationships with humility, with self- abnegation, if you will, unselfishness, self-denial, and a desire to meet the need of the other person.
So the general spirit of all relationships should be one of submission. And then in particular, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord." You will notice that the words "be subject" or submit, in some versions, is in italics because it is not in the original...it's not in the original, it doesn't need to be there. He has just said, "Be subject to one another," and then he says, "wives, to your own husbands." And being subject is obviously implied. All of us submit at some point...wives submit to their husbands. She is to follow willingly the leadership, the headship of her husband. This and this alone can minimize the curse and reverse the conflict.
And we see then, first of all, the matter of submission there in verse 22. The matter of submission clearly introduced, be subject to your own husbands. Very specific, by the way. She is not available to all men. She is not told to be submissive to all men, only her own husband. The man she possesses, her own husband, that one that is hers. And there is in that very phrase a lovely sense of possession. He belongs to her, yet she submits to him, and there again is that magnificent mutuality.
And in the parallel passage to the Ephesian passage which is Colossians chapter 3, you can compare those two because they say the identical things. It says in Colossians 3:18, "Wives, be subject to your husbands," and there you do have the word "be subject" because it is not in the prior verse, so can't be implied. "Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord." This is fitting, this is appropriate, this is proper, this is right before the Lord. It is not a cultural preference, it is a spiritual command. "Fitting," by the way, is a word that has significance. For example, in the little letter to Philemon and verse 8 it refers to something that is legally binding. Thus it is here indicative of a commandment from God. It is also used that way in the Old Testament Septuagint, or Greek version.
There is a limit, by the way, to what is fitting in this role of submission. It does not mean that a woman submits to her own husband in that which dishonors God. You remember, don't you, in Acts how the apostles said when commanded not to preach, we must obey God and not men. If that comes to that, you have to choose to obey God. I think of Vashti in the book of Esther, the first wife of the king. The king came to her and asked her to dance a lewd dance before a drunken crowd and she refused and rightly so...rightly so.
But in the created order and in the proper design of God, it is legally binding by the commandment of the Almighty Himself that a wife be in submission to her husband. It is fitting, Paul says, before the Lord. His leadership is given by God and she is to recognize that and in a humble spirit of loving submission come under that leadership. And again I remind you that this should be easy to do, it should be very appropriate, well understood, except for the curse, except for our sinfulness and except for the onslaught that Satan has brought against marriage to confuse these issues. Now as we look at Ephesians chapter 5 and consider these instructions, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord," we find there are some supporting passages to these and we want to look at them for a moment before we go on in the text. Turn to 1 Peter chapter 3...1 Peter chapter 3, they further open this truth to us and help us to understand it. First Peer chapter 3 says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands." And again you have the very same issue.
What is quite interesting is that little phrase "in the same way." Go back to verse 13, "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evil doers and the praise of those who do right." In other words, all of us submit to the authority of government.
Verse 18, "Servants, submit to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are reasonable." Now, keep this in mind, we all submit to the government, to the king, to the authorities, to the governors. Verse 15, "This is the will of God." "We are to fear God and honor the king," verse 17 says. It doesn't tell us what form of government, what kind of government, what the moral standards of that government happen to be, it says we are to submit. And then in verse 18, the same kind of submission to your employer, whether he is good and gentle or absolutely unreasonable. "This finds favor with God if for the sake of conscience toward God a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly." One of the reasons I don't believe in a strike. No matter how difficult your employer might be, you bear up, that finds favor with God. When you suffer unjustly, you are increasing your eternal reward.
And then the most marvelous illustration of suffering unjustly, sometimes under the oppression of a government, sometimes under the oppression of an employer or a slave owner, in ancient times, but the greatest illustration is the Lord Jesus Himself. Verse 21, "Christ also suffered for us leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps." He shows us how to suffer unjustly, He shows us how to bear the burdening yoke of unfair leadership. "He suffered, committed no sin," verse 22, "was no deceit found in His mouth. While being reviled He didn't revile in return, while suffering He uttered no threats but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously. And in the process He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness for by His wounds you were healed." In other words, Christ suffered undeserved punishment, He suffered it without retaliation, without reviling back, He uttered no threats. He just turned Himself over to God, took His suffering and in the end it had a profoundly significant result. It redeemed souls out of the human race.
And then you come to chapter 3 verse 1...remember, there are no chapter breaks in the original text..."In the same way, you wives..." What do you mean the same way? "As someone under the authority of government, as an employee under the authority of an employer, whether the government is good, bad or indifferent, whether the employer is good and gentle or abusive and unreasonable, in the same manner that Jesus suffered unjustly and did nothing but commit Himself to God for God to bring out of that unjust suffering a glorious end, you wives be submissive to your own husbands." The implication here is that it really doesn't matter what kind of husband he is.
You say, "Well, I have a husband who's disobedient to the things of God, who's indifferent to Jesus Christ, who's abusive, who is not kind and loving, is not good and gentle." All the more reason, Peter says, "In the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so even if any of them are disobedient to the Word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives." Line up under them, all the more reason if they are not saved, if they do not obey the Word of God, some are unsaved implied there but it could also imply a person who had made a profession of faith in Christ and was not obedient to the Scripture, "All the more reason to be submissive." And again I remind you, as is fitting and fitting has its limits. You're not to be submissive if he commands you to do directly that which opposes the Word of God or commands you not to do that which the Word of God does command you to do. But apart from those things for which you are under the command of God, you must submit to your husband. Hupotasso again, line up under him.
And the key in verses 2 and 3, "As they observe your chaste and respectful behavior," that's what you want them to see, you want them to see your virtue, your purity. And then in verse 3, "And let not your adornment be merely external, only external, braiding the hair or wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God." You have a husband who is a trial to you, either because he's unsaved or he's a disobedient believer, he fails to fulfill all of your hopes and expectations for what you would want as a husband. He comes short for what you hope for and maybe what you thought he was. And you are gravely disappointed. You chafe under his authoritarianism. He cares little for how you feel, it seems. All the more reason to be submissive, all the more reason to demonstrate to him a meekness, a purity, a respectful kind of behavior, all the more reason not only to adorn the outside and please do that, we all appreciate it, but do more than that, more than putting on a pretty dress or wearing gold jewelry or doing your hair, adorn your heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. And I might say every man's dream.
It doesn't mean you have to kill your personality. It doesn't mean you have to become a robot. It doesn't mean you have to become boring. It doesn't mean you never give your opinion. But there needs to be deep down in your heart gentleness, quietness, that hidden part is precious in the sight of God. God prefers a woman like that.
Like 1 Timothy 2 says, "Silent, learning in subjection, this if of great price." Verse 5, "For in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands." This has always been the standard, folks. This isn't new. This isn't some Pauline, Petrine bias or chauvinism. This isn't something they just came up with. It's always been this way. God has always desired that women have a meek and quiet spirit. God has always desired that they adorn the hidden person of the heart with those imperishable qualities. He has always desired that they are submissive to their own husbands. And again, that same phrase "their own husbands," not to all men...women collectively are not under the control of all men, a wife is under control of her husband. And verse 6 gives us an illustration. "Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham."
May I suggest to you here that the concept of submission comes eventually to the point of obeying? "She called him lord," there's a thought...Yes, my lord. No, something wrong with that, it just doesn't sound...doesn't sound modern, does it? "She called him lord, she obeyed him and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." And that's, you know, that's what comes up. You know, when you do counseling, inevitably when you're talking to a woman about how she should respond to the leadership of her husband, whatever kind of leadership it is, she says, "Well you don't understand, it's very difficult and sometimes I'm afraid of where he's going to lead me, I'm afraid of where he's going to take me." And that is precisely why this verse says just obey, call him lord, do what is right and don't be frightened by any fear because you have put yourself in the place of the blessing and protection of God. As Abraham was the father of the faithful, Sarah is the mother of the submissive, she's the prototype. Abraham is the prototype of faith, she's the prototype of submission. No terror, the word is literally terror at the end of verse 6, great peace, great security. It's a tremendous passage, tremendous passage. And it cannot be argued against, it is too clear and too direct.
First Corinthians chapter 11 is another passage that demands our attention as we think about what it means to be submissive. In 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verses 3 and following is a fascinating portion of Scripture dealing with the woman. Let's start with a brief reminder that in Corinth a woman's liberation movement had arrived. Perhaps there were certain Christian women who were enjoying their new liberty in Christ and thinking they were now free in Christ they thought they no longer had to be under the authority of their husband. Since they were one in Christ with them, their spiritual equality gave them complete freedom and complete equality on all fronts, and so they were overstepping their limits. As a result, they were bringing reproach on the church and reproach on Christ.
Apparently, in Corinthian society a veil was the symbol of submission, the symbol of modesty, the symbol of meekness. I've done some reading in the history of that period of time and I found out that there were basically two kinds of women who didn't wear a veil: feminists, those protesting the role of women, and harlots, those prostituting the role of women. So, protestors and prostitutes threw off their veils; that's the background.
Verse 3, "I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ." And Paul is just saying this to show you that there is an authority and submission principle built in all the way from God on down. This isn't something cultural, it isn't something just recently invented, there has always been in God's plan and God's economy a place for submission and authority.
And along that line, verse 4, "Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head, but every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying disgraces her head for she is one and the same with her whose head is shaved." Now we're getting a little more deeply into what was going on. The protestors in Paul's time were shaving their heads in protest against the feminine role.
Verse 6, "If a woman does not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off. But if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, let her cover her head." In other words, there's no happy medium. If you take the thing off you might as well go the whole way and shave your head because you have done as much as protest the purposes of God. God accepts the fact that culture had certain ways to identify women. They were covered and they had long hair. And that was the sign of their femininity. When they wanted to protest that, they threw off the veil and shaved the head. He says if you're going to throw off your covering, you might as well then go ahead and shave your head and join the prostitutes and the protestors.
So he says to the Christian women, you can't do that, your culture has an understanding of the distinction between men and women, that is a divine distinction though the particular custom is not ordained by God, the distinction is. And in whatever way your society maintains that distinction, you be sure you hold it up lest they conclude that you are fighting against that. And if you take off your covering they will conclude that, you might as well shave your head and join the march. Take off your shirt and like the bare breasted pig stickers that we talked about last time, run through town stabbing pigs to prove your macho femininity.
On the other hand, in verse 7, "A man ought not to have his head covered since he is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of man." A man is not to wear anything that marks submission, he is not to wear that which identifies a woman. Back in Deuteronomy it says a man is not to wear anything that...a woman is not to wear anything that pertains to a man or vice versa. The men were not to be covered.
By the way, even the Jews who cover their heads, still do when they pray, do so from a misinterpretation of Exodus 33. You know why they do it? They say because Moses veiled his face. Well that is a completely different issue. He was veiling his face so that they wouldn't see the glory of God fading as 2 Corinthians 3 tells us, but it had nothing to do with what God wanted for men to do in their times of prayer.
So, men are to be uncovered since they are the image and glory of God. He says that this particular cultural thing in a sense does reflect something of God's created purpose, that man is the image and glory of God, and the woman is the glory of man. She finds a reflected glory. It's as if he would say the man is the sun and the woman is the moon who shines because of the brightness of the man shining on her. For man...created order supports this, verse 8 and 9, "The man does not originate from woman but woman from man, for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake but woman for the man's sake. "And so, the order of creation has put man in the place of headship and leadership...the woman in the place of submission. She is to sustain the mark of that submission which in that culture was long hair and a veil. That makes sense, that suits the created order. And you Christians should not violate that. If you're going to violate that just because you think you're free in Christ, then go ahead and shave your head and join the prostitutes and the protestors, you've done as much in discrediting the distinctions that God has made.
Then in verse 10 he adds another thought, "Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because of the angels." That's most interesting. What it's saying is that the angels recognized the authority and submission principle. The angels, no doubt, have been told by God about how He has designed man and woman to live together. It would be a great curiosity to the angels since among the angels there is neither marrying or giving in marriage. And so it is outside their realm of experience and comprehension and consequently they're extremely curious about the whole relationship. They understand authority and submission. They understand the authority of God and Christ and the Holy Spirit and they understand that there are even ranks of angels, there are principalities and powers and rulers, there are cherubim and seraphim and they would understand all of that. But with regard to man and woman and how they relate, they're very concerned to see God's order manifest in the church. No doubt God has expressed to the angels that the curse in the Fall which threw marriage into chaos can be minimized through the power of the Holy Spirit, through salvation. And you can look at the church and see at least a glimpse of what My original intention for marriage was. And so for the angels, maintain the symbol of authority on your head, women. Maintain your femininity. Whatever the symbols of your femininity are, maintain them.
In that society and in most societies, it's long hair and a covering. Even the angels recognized that principle. And the purpose would be, of course, so that the angels in seeing this wonderful work in which God has brought about the mitigation of the curse and brought a man and a woman together without the conflict and the war and hostility in Christ and by the Spirit, this would cause the angels to give praise and glory to God. So the glory of God among the angels is the issue.
Then in verses 11 and 12, "However in the Lord," just to make sure you don't misunderstand it, "neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman, for as the man originates...pardon me...for as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman and all things originate from God." In other words, there is mutual dependence. The man leads the woman but the woman gives birth to the man. Don't think that this means because there's authority and submission that there is inequality spiritually, that there is inequality humanly, that there is inequality personally. There is not. There is not. A beautiful interdependence, what is distinct are the roles, not the intelligence, not the spiritual capability, not the mental capability, not the social capability, not the wisdom, but the roles. So Christian women must not think that their equality in spiritual standing before God and their great freedom in Christ has obliterated God's created and sustained and spiritual beneficial design for them.
Another passage that we must draw to your attention is in Titus chapter 2. And I'll only introduce it tonight and then next week come back and look at it a little more closely. But in Titus chapter 2 there is some instruction beginning in verse 3 and running down through verse 5 that supports this concept of submission. And listen very carefully to what I say now. It takes the concept of submission to your husband and extends it to the range of home duties. It starts to unfold the duties. "Older women," it says in verse 2, "are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, not enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good." And obviously they teach the young women, according to verse 4, "That they may encourage the young women to love their husbands." That comes first.
Love, not purely in an emotional sense as we talk about falling in love, the bells and whistles, you know, but love in the sense of self- sacrificing devotion to the privileged duty to which you have been called under his leadership and protection...to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands. For a very important reason, "That the Word of God may not be dishonored. "Now in verses 3 to 5 you have a series of short commands, very brief but with immense and far-reaching implications. And what is at stake? What is at stake is the Word of God not being dishonored. Wherever you see this woman's liberation movement assaulting the church, the first point of attack is the Word of God, isn't it? They assault the Scripture. They twist all these scriptures. They shift them around, they reinterpret them. They've got all this revisionist interpretation.
Note: We also host a Bible lesson called, "God's Patter For Husbands." Click here to read it.
